I'll Stand By You: Part Two Regrets of Today
by Court
Summary: Hopes of Tomorrow; set in season 7 and therefore, contains spoilers for this season. L&B deal with the aftermath of the O'Malley saga. Part 2 of 3. Thanks for all the feedback on the first part (FYI - this can be found as you scroll down the page)!


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PART TWO: REGRETS OF TODAY...HOPES OF TOMORROW  
  
(ALL INFORMATION CAN BE FOUND ON THE INDEX PAGE FOR THIS STORY, AS WELL AS THE OTHER PARTS)  
  
DISCLAIMER: NOT MINE. SURE WISH THEY WERE, THOUGH.  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
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** Lindsay follows close behind as Bobby leads them up the hill, blanket in one hand, shoes in the other. She grunts as the land grows steeper and it becomes harder to walk...slightly painful on her sensitive feet as the crisp grass and pebbles dig into the bottoms of them.  
  
"Ohhh!" She cries out and he turns to meet her menacing glare. "Why didn't you offer to carry me?"  
  
He chuckles, but she doesn't look the least bit amused. "Hold this," he huffs, shoving the basket at her.  
  
"Wha-" Lindsay looks stunned, as the harsh movement causes her to unvoluntarily accept the item. She gasps in surprise as Bobby sweeps her up into his arms. Realization dawns on her. "Oh..." she smiles.  
  
"Yeah..." he smiles, sarcastically.  
  
"Ya know if I didn't fear for my safety I would smack you right now."  
  
"You think I'd drop you?"  
  
"I know you would."  
  
"Yeah?" He smiles. "You're probably right." He grins and slides his arm so she shifts.  
  
"BOBBY!" She screeches.  
  
"Unless you wanna go DOWNhill, I suggest you zip those sweet little lips of yours..." he gives her a look of warning.  
  
To his utter amazement, she does as he asks. He walks the rest of the way and finally comes to a stop, helping her to her feet.  
  
"Remember the first time we came here?" Lindsay looks at him with a smile in her eyes, as she spreads the blanket.  
  
"I'm not likely to ever forget that night," he says, looking back on the memory fondly. He goes up to her, wrapping his arms about her waist, touching her forehead with his. "The night you told me I was going to be a daddy...I remember everything...I always will..."  
  
"God, so much has happened since then...it seems like a lifetime ago."  
  
"Yeah," he whispers.  
  
"Well," she sighs. "I don't know about you..." she pulls away "but I could use a glass of wine."  
  
Bobby gestures toward the blanket and they sit down. He opens the bottle and takes the glasses out.  
  
"I'm glad I thought of this," he smiles, pausing. "Although, I have to say - in all honesty, I had something else in mind when I did."  
  
"Yeah?" She smiles as he nods. "Well, your ideas don't have to be stopped all together...just call it a pause - or - a delay."  
  
"Save the best for last, right?" He grins, leaning in for a kiss. Pulling her to his chest, silence takes hold as they sit, contemplating where to begin. "So..."  
  
"So..." she sighs, relaxing against him.  
  
"You wanna go first, or should I?"  
  
"You. I already went, remember?"  
  
"Right..." he looks perplexed.  
  
Lindsay smiles a little, and moves to look at him. "Tell me what you've been thinking, Bobby..." she repeats his words from earlier.  
  
He chuckles. "Where do you want me to start?"  
  
"It doesn't matter...just talk to me."  
  
"Okay...I've been thinking...this is my fault."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Everything. None of this stuff would have happened if I would have been on time that night, Lindsay."  
  
"What are you talking about?" She asks softly, touching his arm.  
  
"The night you got stabbed. If I would have been there when I was supposed to it -"  
  
"Bobby, no! Don't say that!"  
  
"What? The truth?" He looks upset. "I've always blamed myself. To think - just a few minutes and it wouldn't have happened."  
  
"Bobby -"  
  
"No, don't. Please...just let me say this." He takes a deep breath. "You say that the trauma of Vogelman and Hinks helped to drive you to the shooting...that all of it just pushed you over the edge and you couldn't take it anymore. If you hadn't been stabbed...you wouldn't have snapped...never went to prison...never had to deal with this constant pain you have inside. I know I'm responsible...and I'm so sorry for that."  
  
As their eyes meet, they can see their tears for the first time. "Bobby," she chokes out his name, shaking her head. "You are not responsible for the things that have happened to me...to us. Remember what you said earlier? Everything happens for a reason."  
  
"I just -" he closes his eyes momentarily. "I just hate that I couldn't do anything to protect you. I like to think because I love you so much that somehow...it should grant me that kind of power...to shield you from all the bad things in life."  
  
"I know...but you can't." She sighs. "And it's okay to get mad. I know I do. I mean, I never expected white picket fences or a fairytale, but this is a bit of a stretch in the opposing direction."  
  
"Tell me about it," he chuckles. He caresses her cheek, lovingly. "I wanted to give you a fairytale...or at least something close to it." She smiles., leaning into his touch. "Are you happy, Lindsay?"  
  
"Yes..." she begins.  
  
"But?"  
  
"Nothing." He looks unconvinced. "I am happy, Bobby. I know you think because I'm going through all of this stuff that I'm not...maybe I even thought so before...but now...I'm certain of it."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I'm not alone. I know you're going to be with me."  
  
"I will be," he says confidently.  
  
She smiles, nodding. "But please, Bobby...don't ever think those things again - that you're in any way responsible. It hurts my heart to know that you've had that on your mind all this time..."  
  
"It's kind of hard to stop when I've told myself the same thing over and over again...truly believing otherwise seems impossible."  
  
"Try...for me, Bobby. Just try."  
  
"Okay. I'll try..." he brushes a strand of hair from her face. "I love you."  
  
"I love you, too..." she replies softly.   
  
The momentary silence tells her he is thinking and him that she is waiting for more. The sound of his voice brings peace to her soul as he gives her so much with such a small effort.  
  
"The first night you were away..." he swallows the lump in his throat "I didn't sleep...I couldn't. Bobby slept beside me in our bed...all I could see was you, though. I kept thinking of those nights when we'd all cuddle together...the times we _were_ perfect." He laughs harshly. "I kept telling myself you weren't really gone...no...not really...I had dreamt it all...I was stuck in this horrible nightmare where all I had left was this tiny person who depended on me for everything when I knew I couldn't really give him anything anymore...my life...my love was gone...his mother...our center. What kind of future could I give my boy without his mother?" He stops, looking at her thoughtfully. "But then, that next morning...he opened his eyes and looked at me...I knew that I had to be strong...selfless. My mind was set on loving him, living and breathing him and the hope of your return...I was going to get you out - if I died trying, I would fight till the end. I wouldn't have stopped, Lindsay. Never..."  
  
"I know," she smiles. "I know."  
  
"And I'll never stop thanking God for bringing you back to me and our son...I swear to you...I'm going to do everything I can to keep us happy and strong and just...normal, I guess..." he smiles at the last part as she does.  
  
"Impossible," her voice is riddled with laughter. "Well, the normal part anyway..."  
  
"We're too far from that I guess."  
  
"You can say that again."  
  
"But I like who we are anyway."  
  
"Me too, honey...me too." Reaching for his hand, she promises, "We can do anything together..."   
  
"Anything," he repeats with a nod, kissing their joined hands.   
  
Lindsay studies his every move as Bobby looks deeply into her eyes, as if searching for the answer to an unspoken question. Taking a sip of his wine, he looks away, then back again. Long silence comes once more.  
  
"What made you think that I loved Katie?"  
  
The question comes like a bomb - flooring her, as if it was the one thing she thought he wouldn't say. "What?"  
  
"What made you think that I loved her? What did you see that made you uncertain of my devotion to you?"  
  
"I told you that I didn't believe you had an affair with her, Bobby..." he gives her a look as to say 'but?' "Just...all the late nights... and that look you got on your face everytime someone said something negative about her..."  
  
"What look?" he demands, both offended and curious.  
  
"Like she mattered to you..._really_ mattered...like you'd do anything to prove them wrong..." She finishes off her wine and begins pouring more into her glass. "You never talked about the case with me either..." She stops, looking up at him. "We always discuss our cases...give input...especially when we are emotionally involved."  
  
"I didn't realize...I -" he stammers.  
  
"It doesn't matter," she says distantly.  
  
"It does," he replies firmly. "That one thing made you believe I loved someone else."  
  
She doesn't respond, but instead looks down at her glass, tilting it from side to side as she thinks. "Did you ever wonder...ask yourself if you loved her?"  
  
"No," he quickly throws back. Moving closer, his hands frame her face. "When you love someone the way I love you...when you find your soulmate...your partner...I think you become blind in a way...because your heart is so full you can't see anyone else. Everything you are...nothing and no one is better than you...so how could I possibly question the one thing I'm sure about?"  
  
"Good answer," she laughs shakily. "I often wonder about you...me...us...if I'm enough...I think that's part of the reason I wondered about Katie, too."  
  
"What have I ever done to make you think that?" He gasps, stunned.  
  
"Nothing...it's just an insecurity I've always had in relationships I guess."  
  
"You always have and always will be more than enough...more than I'll ever deserve."  
  
"No..." she whispers. "not more...I never wanted anyone but you."  
  
"Me too," he grins, pulling her into his embrace.  
  
They cling tightly to each other, at peace and understanding...accepting each other's silent, yet strong promises. Tonight was the start of their new beginning...so many wonderful unknowns to look forward to...so much life left to live.  
  
"Bobby..."   
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Can we talk about something else now?"  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Well, don't get me wrong...tonight has been great - we really, really needed to do this...but I've had enough tears for one night..."  
  
"Okay," he says softly. "We have a lifetime...we can take it day by day..."  
  
"Yeah...let's just not keep it locked up anymore...we're the worst at that." He nods. "And I do mean 'we'...remember what I said - the night you proposed again - it wasn't just you...it's me , too."  
  
"We're going to do better."  
  
"Yes," she nods.  
  
"SO-" he sighs, grinning. "Hey Linds?"  
  
"Yeah, Bobby?" she giggles at his sudden excitement.  
  
"Remember the night you made me watch _Jerry Maguire_?"  
  
"What?!" She laughs.   
  
"You heard me."  
  
"Well, first of all - you've watched that movie MORE than once; secondly - I never MADE you watch it. It was entirely voluntary."  
  
"Ha! I would never consent to a chick flick without proper persuasion."  
  
She rolls her eyes. "Care to enlighten me?"  
  
"The first time," he huffs.  
  
"Hu - OH..." she smiles sweetly. "Of course I remember that." She closes her eyes. "We were trying on our 'just friends' hats after our first, um...recreational encounter..."  
  
"Mmm...hmmm..."  
  
"And you brought over pizza and a six pack...we watched the movie after wrapping up our work for the night...and before it was over...you seduced me."  
  
"Wait a second -" he holds his finger up. "Well..." he thinks "maybe..."  
  
They laugh.  
  
"Oh, I don't know...I think we were there before we knew what was happening..." she offers.  
  
"Yeah," he chuckles. Then, more seriously, he places his hand beneath her chin, forcing her to look at him. "All I know for sure is that I wanted you more than anything I'd ever wanted in my life. It feels wrong to have ever called it a mistake...it was the beginning..."  
  
"Yup..." she sighs, contendly. "The beginning of the story of us..."  
  
Lindsay rubs his arms that fold over her waist. Suddenly, she breaks out into giggles.  
  
"What?" He laughs.  
  
"I was just thinking about Bobby Junior..."  
  
"What about him?"  
  
"Well, you know how we have these great romantic stories of how our parents got together..."  
  
"Yeah?" He thinks a minute. "OHHHHHHHH..."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
They laugh.  
  
"Mommy came to work for daddy one day..." Lindsay begins.  
  
"He thought she was hot..."  
  
"And the feeling was mutual..."  
  
"And pent up passion eventually has to be released..."  
  
"So it was..."  
  
"Very well, indeed..."  
  
"So we kept all recreational activity for each other..."  
  
"And kept it a secret..."  
  
"But then daddy decided to give a go with auntie Helen..."  
  
"That's not how it happened!"  
  
"Maybe not - but your objection is interrupting the flow of the story..."  
  
He sets his jaw and huffs. "Fine."  
  
"Fine...now where were we? Oh - but things didn't work out..."  
  
"Because auntie Helen is insane, and daddy really, really loved mommy..."  
  
Lindsay shakes her head as she continues. "And then mommy became very upset while trying to help a dear friend..."  
  
"But she stayed strong..."  
  
The squeeze she gives his arm tells him her thanks. "And daddy was there for her..."  
  
"And he kissed mommy..."  
  
"And mommy kissed him back..."  
  
"And when Christmas came..."  
  
"Mommy told daddy she had to go with her head instead of her heart..."  
  
"But she couldn't resist him any longer..."  
  
"Ha, ha..." she laughs in a voice dripping with sarcasm, shooting him a look.  
  
"Now who's interrupting the flow?"  
  
"So, mommy kissed daddy..." she states in a warning tone.  
  
"And he kissed her back..."  
  
"And she was stuck with him..."  
  
"Thank God," he chuckles, leaning down to kiss her.  
  
"Mmm..." she accepts it graciously, responding.  
  
Bobby lays down, pullling her with him. Their sides touch as their bodies strive to become as close as possible...their fingers entwine...their gaze trails from each other to the stars above. Soon, though, he finds his wife a much more lovely image, and turns back to her...she is oblivious, though...enthralled with the twinkling bright lights. Beauty, thy name is Lindsay as the moonlight bathes her with its mesmorizing glow in the darkness.  
  
"God, it's so beautiful...so amazing..."  
  
"It sure is..." he whispers with a smile.  
  
Upon catching him, she blushes. Words aren't possible, so, instead she kisses him gently. Their kisses become more demanding...mouths opening wide, dancing tongues...offering so much passion in so little time. Their foreheads touch as they whisper...  
  
"Love you..." she sighs.  
  
"Love you..." he says in a low voice, before kissing her again.  
  
For now, they will simply love with gentle teases...soft caresses...long kisses...hearfelt promises...drifting away in the haven they have built as one.  
  
_~End Part Two~  
  
~To be continued...~  
  
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**EMAIL ME HERE  
  
I'LL STAND BY YOU INDEX  
  
PART ONE HOME COMING SOON**  


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